Love and possession

As the Sun (self/ego) opposes Uranus (unpredictability, sudden change) today, bringing to light our need for, and often also our fear of, change, we are given a little taste of the greater struggle to come when Saturn (the planet of discipline, constriction, and conservatism) opposes Uranus on the 4th of November later this year. Yes, Election Day USA — it’ll be interesting to see who wins the tug of war, Saturn (establishment) or Uranus (change), and who/what gets split/torn in the tussle.

But I’m not talking about that today. As the Mercury-Venus-Mars stellium in Libra (relationships, balance) trines Chiron (healing with awareness) and the North Node (collective future) in Aquarius (humanitarianism, individuality), I am prompted to consider the easy substitution, or confusion (Neptune’s there too), of love with possession. Aquarius is, significantly, ruled by Uranus and Saturn, so the Aquarian paradox (of individuality and collectiveness, innovation and fixity) is going to make the Libra work to find a balance. Not easy, but worth trying.

So here we go, my take on Mercury (talk) + Venus (love, money, possessions) + Mars (aggression, passion) in Libra = What is the balance to be struck between love and possession, between wanting and having? When we say we ‘love’ someone, do we really mean we own them? Or want to own a part of them? Your bog standard emotional blackmail is simple illustration of this: ‘If you really love me, you will [do such and such a thing]’, or ‘You know I love you, why do you [do such and such a thing]?’ Is that love or a set of conditions? Saying ‘I love you [so please do what I want]’ is all too often used as a winner of arguments. On the other hand, the other cliche, where love is about ‘letting go’, posits a different set of conditions. I read somewhere recently an article decrying the common belief that what the world needs more of today is love (the source escapes me for now).* The author argued that what the world needs more of is respect. I’d say love without respect is rude possession; can we say respect isn’t respect without love? (Libra leaves that open for now.)

The happy trio is trine Chiron and the North Node in Aquarius, channelling the questions the stellium poses towards issues of personal and collective healing. Healing is often characterised as filling a lack, making what is broken whole. Yet if we seek to heal without awareness, we can all too often seek to possess as well. ‘I shall feel better when I’ve had that ice cream’, or ‘I need my coffee in the mornings to feel alive’, or ‘I need my kids/spouse/work/etc. because without them, I don’t know who I am.’ When we say we ‘need’ someone, or something, do we really mean we want to own them? What does it mean to ‘need’? Sociology 101 introduces Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, but in reality, there are only four things we ‘need’ as human animals. They are: (1) air, (2) food, (3) water, and (4) to poop, i.e. process and discard the by-products of the first three. Everything else, including sex, in the hierarchy is constituted as a ‘need’ according to changing contexts.

Because we aren’t always aware of contexts, ‘need’ is often mixed up with ‘want’. ‘Don’t leave me, I really need you.’ Um, what that translates to is, ‘Don’t leave me, I really want you because I’m too afraid of the unknown.’ Of course, by definition, the unknown can never be made familiar if one never takes the step to know it.

Maybe I’ve too much Sagittarius in my chart — I don’t understand possessive love, or maybe I don’t want to. Or maybe I don’t like the pettiness it brings out in people, and I don’t like the idea of treating someone else like an object to own. Can we ever ‘own’ another person, tree, animal, or property? Do we ever ‘own’ our house or car, or are we simply leasing its use for a short time? Maybe I’ve moved house too often, but I have no real possessiveness over my belongings either. I rather like the idea of an object having a different life somewhere else. Of course, I’ve had my possessive moments, always accompanied by intense self-loathing — but that’s a subject for another day.

Can we ever own what we seek to love, or love what we seek to own? Can we heal the lack without needing it to be healed? Mark Epstein suggests we accept the sense of the lack within us, and to do so with awareness. The Full Moon in Pisces on Monday will conjunct Uranus, and one lesson it may have for us is how to accept and embrace change, or our fear of change, with compassion (Pisces).

*Update, 12 September 2008: I found the source. It’s Jonathan Cainer‘s Scorpio forecast for the week of 6th September 2008. I’ll post the text here, as the site doesn’t keep an archive:

Your Week Ahead. Saturday, 6th September 2008
Your Week Ahead: ‘What the world needs now, is love sweet love. That’s the only thing that there’s much too little of.’ So said the great Burt Bacharach. Was he right? Probably not. There’s plenty of love in the world, it’s just that most of it is conditional. The kind you get between courting couples or family members who feel obliged to stick with each another through thick and thin. It’s not really love that the world has ever been short of, it’s respect. Perhaps a little more tolerance, too. Now, what’s needed in your world? A special form of love, support and understanding. As it emerges, this week, much will improve. There ends your forecast.

Image: Four of Pentacles (tarot) Source: Learn Tarot


One Response to Love and possession

  1. sandrar says:

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

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