Hostage to emotion

My natal Moon in Capricorn wants to rant.

Every now and then I get sick of being told how closed off to emotion I am, and I accuse all those astrology textbooks describing people with Cap Moons as cold, brittle, harsh, and ambitious as being part of the conspiracy!

Speaking for my own Cap Moon, it frequently feels under siege by more feeling types who privilege the immediacy of their intuition and sensory knowledge over those of us who take longer to get there. It has become politically incorrect to make quick judgements about people who are slow with reading and writing; but it seems perfectly acceptable still to consider people slower to access their emotions as having none.

I’m sick of it.

Just because I don’t always express my emotions clearly doesn’t mean I don’t have them. It doesn’t mean anyone has the right to hurt me by insinuating I’m incomplete, damaged, or worst of all, dishonest. Sometimes it takes me two days before I even realise I’ve been hurt, and then they think I’m crazy for bringing it up two days after the event. I’m sick of it!

Read more of this post

Venus ingress Pisces: There’s a Kind of Hush

My local radio station has been running a Carpenters retrospective. How Venus in Pisces (conjunct Neptune) is that?!

From Planet Waves:

Venus is exalted in Pisces, combining the personal affection of Venus with the divine compassion of Neptune, modern ruler of Pisces (which will join Venus Feb 3). Because of this combination – love and compassion – Isabel Hickey notes the willingness of this placement to sacrifice for love, to be wounded by love – because only in knowing love can the freedom of the spirit be known.

The hardest word


Love Story (Arthur Hiller, 1970)

In this classic film, Ryan O’Neal’s character utters the memorable lines: ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry.’

But what if love has nothing to do with it?

Are people noticing that ‘sorry’ is becoming an increasingly rare word? In the world of work and business, at least. No one seems willing to taking responsibility for mistakes anymore — the Wikileaks saga encapsulates this on a macro scale.

Read more of this post

Learning to receive

Hands and hearts

I was reading something today about ‘learning to receive’ and was thinking how underrated receiving is. We’re all taught that giving is a good thing and taking is generally frowned upon, but how many of us are socialised into receiving with grace?

I’m bad at asking for help but quite good at volunteering to do things. Hence, my plate is almost always too full. But when someone offers to help, it is only very recently that I’ve learned to simply say ‘Thanks’, instead of ‘Thanks, it’s ok.’ Because it isn’t usually ok, if I’m honest with myself. And I’ve learned to appreciate the offer, not just of help, but of human connection.

Read more of this post

Share the joy

I was reading a story not too long ago in which one of the main characters learns that while close and intimate relationships may be forged from common pain, it was ultimately more fulfilling to nurture the ones that share a common joy.

The point of connection need not be profound, and may be as simple as a shared hobby — cooking, fishing, poetry, etc. — or something more complex and subtle, like a system of shared values. Whatever it is, gratitude for the smallest happiness plants a seed for a more promising future, rather than a lifetime substituting the intensity of pain for love.

Read more of this post

Safe space, open space

Neeti Ray‘s comment about my use of the analogy of the front porch below got me thinking about how we create psychic spaces safely for others to enter, and how we behave when we are invited into another’s.

The 100-Acre Wood

The 100-Acre Wood, illustrated by E. H. Shepard

Children’s literature is full of these spaces: Winnie-the-Pooh’s 100 Acre Wood is one, Narnia is another. These are not hermetically-sealed spaces; dangers sometimes lurk, but are, in the realm of the psyche, ultimately contained. Like a playground where children learn to rough and tumble, to fight as well as get along.

Read more of this post

Melancholy baby

swords09 I have been weepy all week.

There. I’ve come out and said it. Ordinarily, I’d wait to process the pain before confessing to it, my Capricorn moon preferring to hide in the basement until it passes, but I have been bolstered by the courage of those like the inimitable Lucy Looking Upward to bear their souls and share mine.

Put it down to the yod in my chart, the Hades Moon, the current Pluto transits, or the once-in-a-lifetime Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron conjunction (personally, I prefer Lucy’s more colourful ‘Clusterfuck of Doom’), it doesn’t really matter. In reality, it’s probably all the above exerting tremendous pressure on my 7th house Venus in Cancer.

We are reminded constantly of the message behind this rare triple conjunction: wounding, awareness, healing, and so on. Personally, I wouldn’t mind the occasional dose of Neptunian anaesthesia from time to time. I know I’m supposed to take lessons from it, I know I am being asked to re-assess what I value, I just wish it didn’t have to feel like a botched bikini wax, metaphorically speaking.

Read more of this post

Venus retrograde: Reassessing what you value

These are tense times. Scanning the headlines on the Huffington Post makes me dizzy, anxious, and mildly depressed. Trying to fix the world is important, but perhaps the only way to do that is to look within and fix ourselves, if ‘fix’ is even the right word.

Read more of this post

Love and possession

As the Sun (self/ego) opposes Uranus (unpredictability, sudden change) today, bringing to light our need for, and often also our fear of, change, we are given a little taste of the greater struggle to come when Saturn (the planet of discipline, constriction, and conservatism) opposes Uranus on the 4th of November later this year. Yes, Election Day USA — it’ll be interesting to see who wins the tug of war, Saturn (establishment) or Uranus (change), and who/what gets split/torn in the tussle.

But I’m not talking about that today. As the Mercury-Venus-Mars stellium in Libra (relationships, balance) trines Chiron (healing with awareness) and the North Node (collective future) in Aquarius (humanitarianism, individuality), I am prompted to consider the easy substitution, or confusion (Neptune’s there too), of love with possession. Aquarius is, significantly, ruled by Uranus and Saturn, so the Aquarian paradox (of individuality and collectiveness, innovation and fixity) is going to make the Libra work to find a balance. Not easy, but worth trying.

Read more of this post

Acting on desire III: talking compersion

RWS LoversPart I and II.

‘Compersion’ has to be as unsexy a word as they come. Nevertheless, it is the closest to describing a condition for which no word currently exists — that is, a non-exclusive love, or an all-inclusive love, depending on which slant you prefer.

Theoretically, the word ‘love’ should itself be enough, but like many universal values, it has been hijacked for so many causes that its etymological history must mirror the history of modern humanity itself.

‘Compersion’ has a rather shorter history. The term was popularised by polyamory and swingers groups of the 1960s, and was coined to refer to the positive feelings one gets when one’s lover takes pleasure in another person. It has been defined, also, as ‘the opposite of jealousy’.

Read more of this post

Acting on desire II: sex and the art of good conversation

Klimt - The KissPart I

For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. — Isabel Allende

As synchronicity, and serendipity, would have it, my ex-boyfriend (not quite the right word, but it’ll have to do) turned up online as I was writing the previous post, and our ensuing conversation crystallised the very notion I was trying to articulate.

Our history is ‘complicated’, as they say on Facebook, but less so now that I’ve learned that the only way to uncomplicate the situation is to sort myself out. Which, of course, brings on further complications, though of an entirely different sort.

Read more of this post

Sitting with desire II

Rodin’s The Kiss Part I.

It is very difficult to write about loving each person in each moment without sounding like I am advocating hedonism and promiscuity. I am not. I am advocating responsibility, the responsibility that comes from the acknowledgement of one’s own desire. Acting on desire is a different thing, and requires different consideration.

Read more of this post

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 57 other followers

%d bloggers like this: