Hostage to emotion

My natal Moon in Capricorn wants to rant.

Every now and then I get sick of being told how closed off to emotion I am, and I accuse all those astrology textbooks describing people with Cap Moons as cold, brittle, harsh, and ambitious as being part of the conspiracy!

Speaking for my own Cap Moon, it frequently feels under siege by more feeling types who privilege the immediacy of their intuition and sensory knowledge over those of us who take longer to get there. It has become politically incorrect to make quick judgements about people who are slow with reading and writing; but it seems perfectly acceptable still to consider people slower to access their emotions as having none.

I’m sick of it.

Just because I don’t always express my emotions clearly doesn’t mean I don’t have them. It doesn’t mean anyone has the right to hurt me by insinuating I’m incomplete, damaged, or worst of all, dishonest. Sometimes it takes me two days before I even realise I’ve been hurt, and then they think I’m crazy for bringing it up two days after the event. I’m sick of it!

Read more of this post

Breathing between thoughts

Or at least speaking them out loud.

Mars in Virgo is squaring my Gemini stellium at the moment, and will do so three times in the next few months. Mercurial thoughts are racing fast and furious — only I forget that thinking aloud doesn’t always communicate what I’m feeling to others. And thinking my frustrations aloud just makes things worse.

As Mars prepares to retrograde in a few weeks for nearly four months, my note to self is to take a breath between each thought, if not literally, then metaphorically. And stay the quip, the tongue lash, the Martian urge to insist that what I think must ‘count’.

Image: Hieronymus Bosch, The Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things (1485) (Wikimedia Commons)

2010 — self-alignment

The cardinal cross of 2010 has been good to me on many levels, though it hasn’t been by any means easy. Occurring in the angular houses of my chart, it has become evident as I look back on the year that 2010 has been for me a series of lessons on aligning my inner self with my outer world. It has been about learning to be comfortable in my own skin, but also about creating environments — physical, social, emotional — that resonate well with my instincts.

Read more of this post

Eclipse in the first house: And the scabs fall off…

I like this picture of a replica of Donatello’s David (1430) (front view here) with the paint peeling off his butt like a scab. After the partial lunar eclipse in my first house (conj Jupiter opp Venus) this past weekend, it feels like the ones on my metaphorical behind are falling off too.

I can’t really explain what’s happened — nothing ‘big’ has occurred (so far). It is more like a sense that something’s shifted, and that while the movement was minimal the effects are multiplied. It’s a bit like that arcade game where you drop in coins one by one trying to move the coins in the moving drawer bit by bit. The process seems to take forever and then suddenly you drop in a coin at the right moment and a whole bunch (and maybe a prize or two) falls into the tray.

Read more of this post

Cheap, not cheerful

There has been a very energetic discussion on Neptune and boundaries recently on Donna Cunningham’s blog. It has reminded me again of the importance of establishing my boundaries against emotional or energy vampires. As Mercury readies for its retrograde in Taurus, I find myself rethinking my availability to cheapskates.

Scrooge McDuck as Ebenezer Scrooge

Read more of this post

The Sunshine Boy

The Sunshine Boy (Fridrik Thor Fridriksson, Iceland 2009)

There are some films that have the power to change the world, and I hope this one actually proves it.

Fridrik Thor Fridriksson directs this documentary about one woman’s journey to try and understand her autistic son’s mind. In adopting the voice of one mother’s search for answers, and help, for her son, the film introduces the wide spectrum of effects this condition can have on individuals and families, many of them heart-breaking.

Read more of this post

Healing Pluto problems: Obsidian order, Walnut way

If you are currently experiencing the Pluto station at a sensitive point on your chart — it is currently square my natal Pluto, and opposite my natal Venus — it’s likely you’re feeling just a bit taut, like waiting for a shoe to fall, but not knowing if it’s going to be made of soft leather or hard concrete.

Detail of Pluto and Proserpina (1621-22)

Detail of Pluto and Proserpina (It's stone!)

Pluto issues are deep and transformative (cellular, as I once put it) and healing them requires a genuine and concerted effort at looking inwards, and the courage to square with yourself, your desires and your fears, warts and all. Plutonians who choose to look away often end up projecting their shadow sides onto others, hurting themselves and loved ones in the process. I know a Plutonian (still) undergoing a tough Pluto transit who once asked me what the point of therapy was. He said, ‘What’s wrong with just getting on with life? Won’t therapy just raise things that are better hidden?’ My answer was: ‘Sure, you can just do that and time will pass and you will get older and die. But who do you hurt in the meantime? Do you want to live life awake or asleep?’ My questions were not meant to be rhetorical but he never answered them. As far as I can tell, he’s still sleepwalking.

Read more of this post

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 57 other followers

%d bloggers like this: